if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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