if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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