Swine flu. Run for my life!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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