That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
