I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
