Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
