How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
