Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
