Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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