last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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