Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
