Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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