Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
