he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
