so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
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at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
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I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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