Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
