Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
