Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
