I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Still dying that you shit outside
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
