life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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