my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
