you guys were way drunker than both of me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
