I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
