I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
