spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
