she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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