I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
