I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
