I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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