so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
