it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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