you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
