i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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