does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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