I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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