i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
