It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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