If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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