just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
