Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
