you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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