It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
last night I used snow as a chaser
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
