Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'm really busy with my period
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