Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
