I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
