i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
