A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think your dad took our porno
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
