Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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