I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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