Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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