Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
worst night to have a conscience
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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