He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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