I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
whose parrot is this?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
