I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
They have beer where we have blood.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
