is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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