Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
