my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
