Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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