Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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