So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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