It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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