dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
