also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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