Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
