Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
