i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
