Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
