hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
