toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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