I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
