Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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