I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
