I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
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I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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