For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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