why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
