yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
